Episode 13: You’re Not Perfect … You Moan Too Loud
In the debut of the blog, I promised to post some excerpts from the book, and some segments of the manuscript that didn’t make the cut, as part of the unveiling of our project–a radically different perspective on dating, finding profound love, and selecting partners.
Today’s blog post is a section of the manuscript that didn’t make it into the final book:
How perfect can it be?
In the early drafts of this book I oft employed the words ‘perfect match’- and when I did so, I caught quite a lot of whingeing from both Judy and Stef. They believed that ‘perfect match’ gives the innate impression that there is only one perfect match or that you need to be a perfect person to find your perfect match.
“Perfect match” is not about being perfect. I’m sorry to say, but you’re not perfect. The only perfect guy I can recollect walked on water, and I’m fairly certain that not one of you has levitated across the backyard pool. We’re all full of imperfections: afraid to open our hearts, afraid to get married again, afraid to get angry. We fail to forgive, don’t love unconditionally, worry that we’re not special, don’t communicate, eat too much fat, file our taxes late, moan too loud and come too early.
These superlative relationships we are talking about in our project are not about perfect people, but about perfect *pairings*. It’s about the unique chemistry created when two people create a single couple. With Judy, I feel strong, able to communicate, free to create and love. In other relationships, other pairings, I didn’t communicate well, felt the urge to run, had difficulty holding onto the connection.
With some partners, I’m incredible and with others, well, significantly less. What’s the difference? It’s not me, I’m always the same. It’s the pairing. Perfect pairings, perfect matches–whatever you want to call them–are about the couple, not the individual. We can have superlative relationships with many different partners all of whom bring out the best in us. Selecting the right partner is just a matter of picking that one special combination that brings out the best in you, your partner, and the both of you together. A perfect *pairing*.
How do you do that? That’s what the rest of this book is about!
The Death of Online Dating 