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Episode 9: Myth #1

August 17, 2012

I love busting relationship myths.  There are soooo many of them; such great fodder for blogging.

Today’s Myth:  You and your partner are going to argue—that’s just how relationships are.  So, since you’re going to argue, how will you do it?  Better learn to fight fairly!

This belief is so pervasive, that when we started speaking of engagement, a therapist friend of ours suggested that we delay until we figured out how we were going to argue!  By presumption, arguments and disagreements are anticipated and the way we fought would predict whether our relationship would survive long-term.  How crazy is that?!

Arguments are a lack of understanding and misconception, an artifact of misalignment in the characteristics of the couple.  What if we found a way to create pairings where arguments were not endemic to the relationship?  Imagine that for just a second…

That’s what Judy and I were doing as we headed to the Howard Creek Ranch, a historic landmark in Mendocino.  Nestled between the beach and coastal mountains, the main house was completed in 1871.  It has passed through several families before coming to Sunny and Sally in 1974, when they purchased it and turned it into an B&B.

You know, sometimes the first trip away together for a new couple is insightful.  Compacted together in the same space for an extended time, together with the duress of travel, often reveals personality idiosyncracies otherwise obscured by love’s newness.

Together, Judy and I enjoyed the isolation – no phone, no Internet.  Just sun, steaks on the bar-b, great wine, some writing together on our book, and fantastic breakfasts prepared by Sally on a century-old original wood-fired stove.  

The only thing that was revealed is how wonderful it was to be with my fiancé. No fuss, no arguments, no issues…no kidding.

Click here for Episode 10: Oh, BTW, I’m Engaged

From → Relationship

  1. Tery Gargiulo permalink

    Loving this, I’m a friend of Judy’s and I believe in your story. I was talking with someone yesterday who said I had something like a 1 in 40 chance of finding my partner, I said,”great, since your focusing on the 39, I’ll focus on the 1, that’s all it takes!

    • Hi Tery! Thanks for taking the time to read and send your thoughts. You are 100% right on target! One of the most imporant steps is filtering the 39 to leave just the 40th, the one which is just right. That type of focus is precisely what it takes!

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